-- Anonymous
Famous last words: "Don't worry, honey, I read somewhere that they only eat fish and berries."
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot. (S. Wright)
Redneck logic: "Do you have any idea how much safer the world would be if we didn't have the news?"
I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
-- Stephen Wright
Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe. (R. Dangerfield)
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Montana: At least our cows are sane! (and your politicians?)
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
I'm not saying I'm old, but last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
Fish should always be cooked in its own natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Chevron ...
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat- (so is a convection oven)
| Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity - (let go of the wire and the tingling will stop) |
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians (okay, but its your body check)
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little Else (not true, you also have worthless real estate, prairie dogs, and rednecks)
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent Pets (and go well with salsa)
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan (No, you're more a badly polluted industrial Disneyland)
Texas: Si, Hablo Ingles (And our death row is shorter than yours)
Washington, D.C.: Mayor wanted: must be drug-free
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